Everything Moves
by SlothBeans
Summary: Peter is lost in the reversal of the snap. The world has changed for the worst. It's become bitter and angry after the events of Avengers: Endgame. With his mentor passed and his aunt lost, there's little left for him. (A Homeless Peter Fiction) (Previously titled Heartache and the Pain)
1. Chapter 1

Tears burn the boy's eyes.

He tries to be silent - to control the stream of tears that leak from the corners of his eyes. He can't stand the thought of the other heroes seeing the tears that so clearly leave visible streams down the side of his face, but he can't ignore the aching grief he's feeling inside. The salty tears continue to burn his already raw skin as a choke bursts it's way through despite his best efforts - his emotions running far beyond his control.

Peter quickly wipes his tears on a stray tissue that he's hiding in his left hand the entire funeral, but there's no doubt that the other heroes catch his movement. He's not hiding his sorrow as well as he wishes.

In the young hero's eyes, he needs to be as strong as the veterans. And none of the other heroes are crying today. They've seen his weakness through his tears. He's too young, too emotional to save anyone. It's this weakness that affected his strength and made him distracted in the final battle. He was too terrified to do anything right.

He doesn't understand the other heroes are experiencing the same damaging pain over losing Tony and Natasha. They are hurting beyond description - filled to the brim with guilt and remorse - but are too stubborn to show their tears in front of the others.

Peter's tears bring sorrow to the surrounding heroes - their hearts swell with their own pain, but there's something tough about watching a long one lose a father figure. Not only is he one of the youngest members among the visitation, but an unofficially adopted son to the man they're trying to celebrate.

There's a protective air over him that Peter can't yet sense. He's too lost in his feelings. He's unaware the other Avenger's have accepted Peter as one of their own - someone who must be protected - and it fills their hearts with pity to see the boy so distraught. He's not only a hero. He's one of the family now.

To Peter's left stands Harley Keener. The name has only been muttered to Peter a few times by his mentor but is heartbroken nonetheless. The similarly aged teenager seems to be just as torn up by the loss. Peter doesn't feel close to Harley, but there's a vague recognition that Harley once saved his mentor's life and for that he's appreciative. It's easy to see why Tony loved Harley.

To Peter's right stands Morgan Hope Stark - a soft little brunette that beams with the same chaotic-good energy as her father. Peter shares no bond with the little girl who's twirling her dress playfully like nothing has changed - they only just met a few hours ago after all - but Peter finds himself completely enamored by her innocence and kindness. He can feel himself becoming responsible for the little girl in Tony's absence.

_Tony always saw you as her big brother. He couldn't wait to introduce the two of you._

Pepper's words sting as they echo in the back of his mind. They force him to consider the life Tony's built while he was snapped - the family he's created without Peter. Then he remembers the absolute pain that his mentor must have felt in the destruction of the snap. It's a world Peter cannot begin to imagine, but bears the responsibility of fixing.

And as difficult as the funeral is for Peter, he can't imagine the future that Morgan has ahead of her. Peter knows all too well the pain of losing beloved family members; the complete emptiness inside that swirls within you when you grow up without a parent. It's something he would never wish on anyone, let alone someone that he's to consider extended family. He owes it to Tony to give her the best life possible.

Peter takes a deep breath as the final words are spoken. As the crowd begins to disperse - breaking into small social groups that Peter can't find the energy to deal with anyways - Peter wonders what he should do now. He doesn't belong with any of the other groups, but he especially can't find the willpower to force himself into a conversation when he's feeling so crappy. All he wants to do is break down somewhere.

Happy gives the boy a quick nod as he scoops up Morgan. She's already yawning from the day's events, but there's a sadness to Happy's eyes that she doesn't seem to quite understand. There's also a glint of guilt that Peter catches in the nod as leaves Peter to deal with his grief alone and prioritizes the young girl.

Peter doesn't blame him one bit. He understands that the young girl needs more help than he possibly ever could. And she has a blood relation to the family; something Peter's never truly had. She should be prioritized.

Peter forces a smile and nods to Happy in reassurance. He's okay being left behind a bit. He'd rather be alone right now anyway.

Instead of confiding to the other Avengers or seeing if Pepper could use any help, Peter prefers to find a secluded spot at the end of the dock where no one else will bother him. This will give him some time to think and cry without the invasion of the other heroes.

He lowers himself to the ground, settling himself on the cold, wet wood of the deck. He can feel the dew of the morning soaking into through his newly purchased funeral clothes. The cold sends a freezing shiver down his spine, but the boy can't be bothered to move or care. He's been through so much worse in the last few days.

When he can't bear to listen to his own thoughts any longer, he reaches out his senses to look in to the conversations around him. He knows what he's doing is wrong; he shouldn't be invading other's privacy like this, but he desperately needs a distraction before he spirals further.

_"You good?" _

_"Mhm."_

"_Okay. You hungry?"_

_"Mhm," _she says so nonchalantly that Peter's heartaches. Why is this so easy for her?

_"What do you want?"_

_"Cheeseburgers."_

Peter can't listen anymore. Happy's voice isn't comforting like he had hoped it would be - not when they're talking about the loss in such an effortless way. The words pull up memories that have been mostly shoved down since the battle. And he can't possibly ignore the fact that Morgan shares so many similarities with her father. Every part of the little girl just reminds Peter of what he's lost.

She reminds him of the many evening internship quests to fetch late-night hamburgers alongside his mentor, the banter between the two when a project becomes suddenly difficult, the little sarcastic eye roll that his daughter seems to have copied to a tee. Tony must have been so proud of her. Everyone else seems to be.

He wants to see May. He wants to hold her close and never let her go again. He likes to think that he'd never have left if it'd meant losing May like this, but he knows it's a lie. He will always do the heroic thing. Even when it's hard.

But he still needs his Aunt so badly. She's technically the only family he has left even if they were never blood-related. They were each other's worlds - a little Ohana founded by two lost souls who could find comfort in each other's grasp. He needs her to be here right now so that she can hold him close and remind him that sometimes it's okay to cry.

May should be here right now. She should be helping Peter work through his grief and push through the dark thoughts that are starting to spin in his mind. He should be helping her rebuild in the aftermath of the snap.

It isn't fair that she's missing. It isn't fair that everyone else seemed to get their loved ones back, but he's somehow left here with nothing. It isn't fair that he has no one left. These things always happen to him.

He has no one. Not just here physically, but also emotionally.

All he can do is sit alone on the end of a pier wondering how he'll mend the broken pieces of his life.

He knows one thing for sure. He can't rest until he finds May Parker.


	2. Chapter 2

Peter sits on the dock for as long as he possibly can.

He isn't sure where else he can go. He's a long way away from New York. Almost half across the country.

And honestly, he could have never imagined Tony living this far from the hustle and bustle of the city. New York is somewhere special for Peter. New York is friends and family. New York is where he's fought so many times to help his neighbors. New York is home to Peter Parker. But the boy is entirely unaware of what New York became in the aftermath of the snap. New York becomes poison without the positivityof its neighborhood Spider-Man.

Desperate for change, the lake house becomes a space for Tony to escape from the bitterness of New York. It isn't too long before Tony Stark moves there completely, unable to face the crumbling skyline of the city any longer. And one day, if Tony works hard enough, he can share his new view with his favorite intern. No matter how small, there's always a chance Tony's family can become whole again.

He never gets a chance to make his family whole. There will always be a hole in the hearts of the Stark family from their grief and loss. Tony never get to see Peter use the guest room designed just for him that's full of knock-off Spider-man merchandise or watch Peter fly from the tire swing installed with him in mind. Without Tony Stark here, there's only an empty sadness that rests upon the lake.

With the day coming slowly to an end and the last bit of sun disappearing from the water, the Avengers begin to return to their homes. There are a few distant goodbyes from where the boy sits on the dock, but he can't be bothered to respond. Most of them understand his grief and don't push the issue further. They'll see him down the line anyways. There's a protectiveness around the youngest Avenger that will keep him safe for years to come.

Now that the majority of his heroes have left, Peter feels even more confused. He isn't sure if he prefers the chatter of their previous conversations or the silence that's now settling over the waterfront more. A part of him wishes that he had reached out and shared himself in their grief, but now it's too late. He's becoming more and more unsure of himself with every breaking second. Is he worthy of the title that's been so recently thrust upon him?

The Avengers carry the responsibility of a broken world on their shoulders. The world's changed for the worst. There's still so many fresh wounds from not only the snap, but the reversal too. Thanos is defeated, but Peter's learned there will always just be a bigger, badder threat. And most of all, the young boy can still feel the weight all too strongly.

He can't take much longer to mourn. The other Avengers are already creating plans to return to work - to aid the people that truly need them. There are likely people that need Spider-man's help in this very moment. People that need _him. _People like Aunt May.

If only Peter could pull himself together to actually help them.

Instead, Peter pulls himself away from the weight of his heavy knees, wiping the stained tears on the edge of his sleeve. He has to admit there aren't many tears left anyway. He's been here all day, and for the majority of it, he's been silently sobbing in a ball. There's so little fluids in him that the last hour has just been painful dry choking. His eyes are red and his throat sore, but he doesn't have the energy to make his way to the kitchen for a glass of water. He's broken.

With the malnutrition and dehydration the day has brought, Peter finds barely able to move. Even standing up seems to send him into dizziness with so little calories in his system. But there's still so much for him to do. He needs to create a plan.

Peter fights through his own clouded mind for a few moments hastily, but he can't seem to break through. He needs to focus. He really needs to figure out his next steps. All he wants to do is fight through his darkened thoughts and aching bones, but that's too much for him right now. He's confused and sad and scared and _broken._

"Do you have somewhere to go tonight? I'm heading back to New York. I could give you a jump if you'd like. Quicker than flying."

Peter turns his head and squints his eyes into the narrowed darkness. The man speaking has a similar build and facial hair to his mentor. It nearly makes the boy's heart temporarily sigh with relief, only to be smashed seconds later as his brain catches up to the picture in front of him. Though very similar in feature to his mentor, this isn't the man Peter adores so much.

His mentor is dead. Ironman is dead. _Tony Stark is dead. _

The man before him is another hero from the great battle. The one and only Doctor Stephen Strange. Magic user. Protector of the time stone. Not an official Avenger. But most of all, the predictor of Tony's sacrifice.

Peter furrows his brows in anger for only a moment before he corrects himself and forces the hatred off his expression. As upset as he already is, he has to remind himself that no one is to blame for Tony's death. Stephen Strange didn't cause Tony's sacrifice. He didn't force him. He only predicted that it was the only way.

Except maybe himself. Peter can blame himself. And it isn't fair to him to blame the other heroes when Peter didn't do anything else to help his mentor. He was too busy cowering and shielding his body.

"I'm sorry if I'm interrupting. I know you two were very close."

He's brought back to reality by the wizard's words. Focusing on the question once more, the boy pushes through his mental fog to work out the question he's been asked.

Does Peter have anywhere else to go tonight? He isn't entirely sure. He hasn't really planned that far ahead. He can barely push past today.

Peter reaches out his enhanced senses to analyze the surrounding area. If he can get a better idea of what's going on, he might be able to figure things out. And there's always the possibility of staying with Mrs. Stark. That was the original plan, at least until he could catch a flight back to New York, but he still isn't sure it's the right choice for him. He would never want to impose.

The rest of the lake seems empty and quiet with the majority of the visitors gone which doesn't change much for Peter's situation. Even when the lake was full of mourning faces, Peter still felt isolated among the crowd. The only difference to Peter is the background noise - what was once a splashing of tears and endless chatter has dulled into the rippling water of the lake. There's not even the chirp of crickets tonight - the wilderness seems to be mourning as much as the young lost hero.

With Tony long passed and May missing from action, there hasn't been any official discussion of where Peter will be living. The lease for his apartment has long been broken. The Avengers compound was destroyed by Thanos. And he refuses to infringe on any of the other heroes' personal lives any more than he has to.

But Peter can't stay home alone. Legally, he's technically only sixteen years of age. He's not old enough to legally buy an apartment of his own, even if he had the money set aside. And he doesn't have much life experience, balancing a job would be impossible with the already large task of fixing the world. And there's still the topic of High School. He needs to return and finish his education.

Peter's already had a full lifetime of experience and suffering. Yet at the same time, he's sorely lacking when it comes to his lifetime.

Peter knows one thing for sure. He does have a mission he needs to get started on as soon as possible. And New York would be the best place for him to start.

"I have some family to stay with upstate. A portal jump would be great," he lies through his teeth.

Peter isn't sure where the decision stems from. The words are natural and go against every fiber of his being. He shouldn't be able to so easily lie to one of his fellow heroes, but he feels like he has no other choice. but

As he listens to Pepper settle in Morgan for bed, the boy knows deep down that he can't impose on this family anymore than he already has. The other heroes insist that it's no one's fault that Tony isn't returning home to his daughter tonight, but Peter knows deep inside it will _always _be his fault.

Tony reversed the snap because he loved _Peter_. Because he saw Peter as _his son_. There's no avoiding it - no matter how much Peter wishes he could forget.

Peter can't bear hurting this family anymore than he already has, but maybe there's hope for him. Maybe he can find Aunt May. They can build their own little family again from nothing. Even if there's only a small chance that May is still alive, he has to do what he can to find her. He owes everything to her.

She could be searching for Peter at this very moment. She could be hurt or kidnapped or stuck somewhere. She needs him.

Peter doesn't know much about the direction he's taking. He doesn't even know if his Aunt was snapped.

All he knows is how frightening it was to wake up on that barren planet all alone. All he knows is that he's terrified that he's truly all alone.

He needs to find May - not only for her safety but to calm the growing darkness deep within his mind.

* * *

It's nearly two in the morning before Pepper can take a moment to breathe and organize her thoughts.

The events of the day have been taxing on everyone, but they've been particularly exhausting to the newly found single mother. Not only has she been grieving for the loss of her beloved husband, but she's had to push her feelings down in an effort to remain calm. She's needed to appear strong for everyone else. The other heroes. The younger children. But mostly for her beautiful daughter, Morgan Stark.

Truth is she's really hurting inside. The pain of her loss is still bloody and fresh, ripping its way through her insides in the form of grief. Pepper wishes she could throw herself into her bed and cry, but she doesn't get the chance to do so. There's too much for her to take care of. And she can't even imagine slowing down until she knows everyone else is safe.

The second she takes a moment to breathe, that's when her walls will break. She'll be no help then. She knows she needs to _rescue _everyone else before she can let that happen.

"Harley's flight just touched down safe in Tennessee. He should be home with his family any minute," Happy says as he reads from his phone. The man seems relieved now that he has one less thing to worry about tonight. He can focus on Pepper and Morgan and Peter at last.

Pepper nods in response. She has to admit Harley had managed to slip from her mind for the time being. After rushing him out the door earlier today, she'd had so many other things to focus on. The seemed quiet at the funeral but had fallen apart once they'd come inside later that night. It'd been a lot to console Harley from her husband's death, but she'd needed to focus her energy on helping the other heroes and making sure Morgan was properly fed. They'd barely even made his flight on time.

Pepper is even taking extra precautions with Morgan, who seems to be handling the funeral the easiest out of Tony's children. Partly because she didn't yet understand the severity of the event, but also because the day had been unusually overwhelming with so many visitors.

Bedtime was actually more difficult than the funeral had been. The young girl was tucked in a couple hours ago but she had an annoying habit of wandering out of her bed to find her father. She'd already wandered downstairs twice, both times drowsily requesting a bedtime story when she only found her mother. Pepper isn't sure what story her daughter is actually seeking from her since Tony usually told the bedtime stories, but all of Pepper's stories seem to be wrong. None of them get her to stay in her bed. The tired mom can only hope that her daughter will settle down soon enough.

Pepper knows, as strong as Morgan seems on the outside, there is a part of her inside that misses her father. She just isn't old enough to understand the concept of death. There will be a day that comes sometime in the unknown future that Pepper will need to teach Morgan about the sacrifice her father has made and how amazing of a man he truly was. It will be a hard time for the both of them, but at least the tired mother doesn't need to worry about it right now. She can push this one thing off a little bit further.

With Harley safe at home and Morgan possibly asleep, there's only one child left for Pepper to account for. Tony's son.

"Have you seen Peter?" she asks sluggishly.

"Not for a while. He was sitting on the dock earlier. I was going to talk to him after I got Morgan her dinner, but it just seemed like he needed some space. You know kids."

Pepper stands up, dusting herself off of all the day's stress. She feels dirty and unkempt. Today has been a long enough day and it won't be ending anytime soon. There's nothing more she wants right now than to throw herself into a hot shower, to crawl into her unusually empty bed, and sleep away her sorrows. But she can't stop yet. The day isn't over for her. She has one more child she's promised Tony that she will take care of and this one will need her the most in the upcoming weeks. And he's currently spending the night out by the freezing cold lakeside all alone.

Pepper leaves Happy to watch over Morgan - who will surely be up at least one more time before giving up - and heads towards the edge of the lake to search for Peter. It's pitch black without the bustle of city lights. Even squinting her eyes, Pepper can only just make out the outline of shapes in the dimly lit lake.

The presence of the deep lake and lack of light sends a shiver down Pepper's spine. It isn't safe for anyone to be so close at night. The water can be an extreme drowning hazard in the darkness, but she assures herself that the boy can navigate with the smallest flickers of light due to his enhanced senses. He should be safe by himself. There's no way he could drown.

Pepper searches the dock, doing her best to find any Peter-shaped outlines in the darkness, but she can't find anything at all. She huffs to herself, a small cloud of warm air forming from her mouth in the brisk night. She's already being extremely cautious so that she doesn't fall in herself, but now the longer she's outside, the more the cool air is getting to her.

She can't find Peter anywhere around the vicinity of the lake house. She's quickly checks the perimeter of her home, the porch, the dock, even the lakeside where the funeral was just held. There's no Peter anywhere. And even weirder, she can't find any evidence of where he's gone. Or that he was ever even here, though she's sure he was.

Shaking her head, she rushes inside the house for only a moment to grab her cellphone. She just needs some light to see better.

She must be missing something. Peter was here. She was sure of it. She just doesn't have the acute senses the boy has.

"You couldn't find Peter?"

"Not yet. I'm just grabbing my phone, so I can get a better look. I probably just missed him somewhere."

"Try calling his name. He's probably just hiding in a tree or hanging somewhere."

Pepper didn't want to startle him or risk waking Morgan, but shouting for him might be the only option. Pepper's becoming more frantic with every passing second. She was supposed to be taking care of Peter, and now he doesn't seem to be anywhere close to their property. If only she had gotten him a cell phone before the funeral, but she'd been so busy with the other preparations she'd pushed the idea down. And now a cell phone could have fixed everything.

"Peter! If you hear this, I need you to come here right now! It's very important!" she shouts one final time. There's no response. Just deafening and torturous silence.

With her cellphone as a makeshift flashlight, Pepper returns to the dock and scans the area one final time. It's the last location Peter was seen so she's desperate that he must be around her. He was here all day. She's sure of it. There's no possibility he could be anywhere else according to Happy. But still, she finds nothing. There's no Peter here.

There isn't a single piece of evidence that Peter's been here all night.

She returns to the house empty-handed.


	3. Chapter 3

New York isn't at all how Peter remembers it. There's a visible pain that dusts the city.

There's no big welcome when he returns with his newly clad Iron-Spider suit. No cheers as he swings through the now empty city sky. No humble requests for flips or fist bumps from friendly civilians.

Just silence. Desperation. And discomfort. It leaves Peter chilled to the bone.

The city's population returns to the usually bustling city streets at first glance, but there's a new scarceness the boy can sense.

There's something different to his once beloved city that's grown from a lack of heroes - born from the scarcity of protection and friendly smile they've grown to expect from their friendly neighborhood Spider-Man. Even with the return of the hero, the emotions are too hurt to be so easily refreshed.

The city is empty with Peter's return. Lonelier. Desolate and deserted. Maybe even in pieces.

Peter can't tell if the population of the city has dropped - as if all the work they went through to reverse the snap was for nothing - or something completely foreign has happened to his residents.

Even if he could ignore the disparity growing from within his community, there's a blanket of grey sinking over the buildings that make New York City. Peter can't find a single speck of color on the fallen landscape that he once loved. As he swings from building to building, he finds himself slipping over crumbling rooftops and broken windows. The city has not been not well taken care of in his absence.

Peter can't help but think of the disasters he causes from his failures. Even though they fought so hard and gave up so much for the world, disaster and hardship eclipses. It's too much in such a small time frame. The world will never be the same and it's all because the Avengers couldn't stop Thanos the first time around - the time Peter was actually there to help.

_Everyone must be too busy taking care of their lost ones to care about crumbling rooftops and crackling bricks. Peter is the only one without loved ones. He's the only one noticing the difference in the landscape._

And now, with the destruction of his beloved city, Peter learns he truly has nothing left. He's alone. Empty. And he just can't find the energy to care anymore.

There's nothing left for him to give his people.

He can't blame anyone but himself. Even with people returning to the world, there's still plenty of grief to go around. Peter isn't the only one morning the loss of Ironman - the world's most beloved superhero. Tony has sacrificed himself to save the world on numerous occasions before - a task none of the other Avenger's can claim to. The man's built a pool of fans so large he's practically a religion.

So, it's no surprise to Peter that the world is taking a while to return to normalcy, their flags lowered at half mast in honor of their fallen hero.

But everywhere the boy turns, the lowered flags harass him. They're a reminder of what he's lost despite everything he fights for. The flags are a reminder of their few last shared minutes as Tony struggles for air - a pain-numbing look in his eyes as the flesh of his arm devours itself and poisons the man's blood supply. The ache in Peter's heart as his mentor slumps over for a final time and the glow of his arc reactor dulls - his heart no longer able to keep a beat in his chest. It hurts too much.

He can feel his hands tremble as he stumbles alongside the top of a building bracing to make his next jump. His heart is racing - pounding too far out of his control for him to breathe right. The fight or flight reflex he's grown so used to in the past few days is running it's cycle once again, telling Peter he's in danger. Warning him of death.

The boy's spidey sense is riding the wave of adrenaline as well. It's screaming. Buzzing obnoxiously as Peter tries to force himself to remain calm. It's failing. He's failing. And then he's falling, too.

He barely even notices the slip of his wrist, the way he shoots his web against the loose concrete instead of the solid brick he meant to aim for. The top of the building crumbles underneath Peter's weight, and he can not only see, but feel the rush of the ground coming towards him. The wing rushes through his ears as he falls through the sky. He's getting too close to the ground too fast.

"Activating parachute," a voice chimes in the back of his mask.

The parachute launches and Peter is thankful that he was swinging from a building tall enough that it works. There's barely enough time as he falls from the now crumbling Avengers tower, but the parachute manages to spread out its reach and slow the boy's descent to the ground. He's safe for now.

Peter's thankful. He might not have been quick enough this time. And although he's still frightened and afraid, he's not completely sure he would have made it out alive this time. He's not quite sure he's ready to die.

Peter can't let his fear and guilt control him any longer, though. He needs to focus. He needs to find May.

Even with his stomach gurgling and panic flooding his chest cavity, there's an urgency that the boy can no longer ignore. He needs to find his aunt before something terrible happens to her. He could never forgive himself if she were hurt in his absence. He can't even begin to consider worse possibilities - how he would survive with a life without Aunt May.

He lands on the roof of the apartment complex in record time, which would usually be cause for a mini celebration, especially considering the fact he's being extra meticulous - his most recent near-death experience fresh in his mind. But he can't celebrate the small victories in his current state - not when he's feeling so empty and hollow inside.

This is a dead end, and he knows it. The apartment is most likely empty. There's no way his aunt could possibly be living here anymore without him. Pepper has already done a quick search for his aunt alongside the funeral preparations, and this would have been the first place she searched. He trusts Pepper, and has faith that she did her absolute best, but he just needs to be sure.

There's just something inside Peter that makes him need to see it one time. If the apartment no longer has May, he needs to see it with his own two eyes to believe it. He needs to confirm for himself that she's not actually there before he can continue his search. He needs to make peace with this place before he can go.

It only takes Spider-Man a few moments to crawl down the side of the wall towards his old bedroom window. It's become a habit over the years for the boy to enter this way, but he stops himself before he can completely crawl past the threshold. This is no longer his home, he reminds himself.

He peaks inside the window, careful not to alert any possible tenants that may be living there. With his mask temporarily removed, he can't risk letting even more people into his secret identity. He can't let anyone else's lives be endangered by his powers any more than he already has, so he keeps his movements and breathing quiet.

Peter's room - the room that used to be only Peter's and nobody else's - is completely different through the evening light of the windows. The walls are a different color - a light pastel pink. There are posters that are completely wrong for his fandom lifestyle. Even his bed has been switched out for a smaller version. The tone is too different from his life right now - too happy and carefree.

It's pretty clear that this is no longer his home - no longer the Parker residence he so severely needs to see. This is someone else's home now. Someone who doesn't know him, or his aunt, or the struggles he's been through in the last week. This place is as empty as the lakeside was - a boy lost in his sorrow with no familiar sights or faces.

Why did he ever come here? How did he ever think any sight of this place could possibly help his pain?

Peter crawls back up to the roof where he can't be seen by the new residents, falling to the ground against a locked door. His stomach rumbles, a mild cramp working its way through his abdomen. He has to take deep breaths as he fights to ignore them, which works for a few hardy moments, but he can't possibly sit here all day.

He knows he can't stay here on the roof, but he just needs a few moments to gather himself. He'll leave soon.

A few tears gather at the corner of his young, tired eyes. Peter can feel them slipping away with no tissue to wipe them on. There's no mask to stop them, but he squeezes his eyes shut to force away his pain anyway. He can't waste time being sad - not when there's so much at stake. He needs to focus - to create a new and improved game plan. He's wasting precious time.

Even so, he can feel himself dizzying. He doesn't trust his body to carry him to the ground right now - to swing through the steep heights when he's in such a bewildering state. He can barely move - let alone function as the friendly neighborhood protector he needs to be - so he decides he can rest for only a few moments. Just enough until he regains his energy and pushes through this bout of nausea.

"Peter? Are you okay?" He blinks his eyes and looks around leisurely. There's no one here. And his mask is off. Who is talking to him?

"Your blood sugars are getting dangerously low. I recommend some high sugar liquids as a jump start before you crash too hard."

"Yeah, that makes sense," he mutters to himself. It must be Karen, even if he isn't sure where the voice is coming from. But, he isn't in any rush to move right now. He's just too tired. Too drowsy.

"If you fall asleep, there's a high chance you will not wake up without medical intervention. You are experiencing dangerously low blood sugars. You need to seek help."

Peter doesn't understand. None of this makes any sense. He's never had issues with blood sugars before. So why would he be suddenly crashing alone on the rooftop of his old apartment building?

And better yet, why does he feel so sleepy? He just needs a few minutes rest. And then he can figure everything else out.

"Peter. Do not fall asleep. Do not sleep. Initiating contact with your emergency number. Help will arrive soon."

* * *

The whole house is shattered by the boy's disappearance.

Little Morgan's heart is sick when she wakes up and finds her brother has fled. She doesn't know him very personally yet - they've only had a few moments of shared interaction over the last couple days - but she's been raised with stories of her big brother Peter and the superhero that would one day be there for her. She feels safe at the funeral with Spider-Man standing so closely by.

And one day, even when the days get really rough, and she misses her father more than she could ever imagine, nothing bad will ever happen to her. Not with Spider-Man protecting her.

With Ironman and Spider-Man out of her life now, there's so little safety in her home - so little security for her future. She's scared and helpless. She just wants her big brother to come home.

Happy is packed to the brim with guilt and frustration by the kid's departure. Although he found himself annoyed in the beginning by Peter's chatter, there's just something about this kid that broke down his walls. He's grown to care for Peter alongside his boss' affections. He might even admit he loves Peter - on a good stress-free day.

Happy vowed to always guard Tony's family. And now, the kid is part of Tony's family. Yet, somehow he'd already failed his duty as the family's protector. He'd let Tony's son slip through the cracks.

Distracted by Morgan, he'd left Peter alone by the dock for the majority of the day. He'd prioritized Tony's blood over the son that so desperately needed the guidance. And why? Because it would be easier to not talk about Tony's death? Because he'd dedicated more time to Morgan in the last five years than he ever did to Peter? Because Pepper needed him by her side?

No. He doesn't want to think of the reason. He can't face the truth - not when the family's still so frantic to find the boy. He can't accept he about forgot about Peter until darkness had surrounded the lake. He can't admit that he's lost Peter over something so small and trivial. He only has himself to blame.

Pepper is the most lost with the recent turn of events. She had promised Tony that she'd care for Peter. She'd given her husband her undying word that they would be okay. No matter what happened, Peter Parker would always be properly taken care of.

He was their son now - meant to be part of their family until the end of time. Tony Stark was his father in every being of the word. And she would be his mother. She would be there for him. Forever.

"It's my fault. I should have told him there was nothing to go back to. I should have warned him."

"He's probably just going to look for his Aunt. I'm sure he'll find him soon. He has to, right?"

Pepper shakes her head. She can't bear to say the words out loud. Not on a day like today when so many things are going awry.

"What do you mean no? She's not in New York anymore? Where else could she be?"

"He won't find her. Not in New York. Not anywhere."

"I don't understand. She was snapped, yes? Then she must be somewhere. We just have to find her."

Pepper can't stand to speak the words. They're still too sorrowful on her lips - too fresh in her heart. She was supposed to do tell Peter in their upcoming days together, when his heart wasn't so broken from the loss of his newly found dad, but she still can't find herself ready. How can someone ever find the words to share such loss to a young man she's grown to care so much for?

Instead, she crosses the room and grabs a large brown envelope filled with papers. With the room completely silent and watchful, she hands the envelope over to Happy and takes a seat at the table. He looks at her questionably before opening the envelope to inspect the contents himself.

The first document on the thin stack of documentation is an adoption certificate that's been notarized by the department of family services. It's dated to nearly five years ago, freshly created in the aftermath of the snap.

Happy is unsure of what to think of the paper. Why would they adopt Peter so quickly if May was snapped? The Parkers would return together if the snap reversed, and over time, everything would be sorted out. Right?

"Adoption papers? For Peter? Why?"

"It's one of the reasons Tony and I got married so quickly after the decimation. He was heartbroken. Lost. In no condition to let someone new close to his heart after all the destruction he'd witnessed. I was lucky that he already had a space open for me. I was so worried that he'd been dusted..."

"But then, the worst imaginable thing happened. And Tony loved Peter so much. He couldn't leave him with nothing. He had to have a plan in place in case he ever returned."

Happy's voice is quiet as he whispers, "What happened to her?"

When he gets no response, he puts the adoption paper aside to work through the stack some more.

Next is something simple. The boy's birth certificate, Social Security card, and newly acquired health insurance. It's lucky that Pepper held onto these - in case of Peter's return. So many people are suffering from the impossible quest of regathering their possessions after returning from the decimation. It's helpful that Pepper always prepares in case the worst happens.

"I still don't understand."

"There's one more thing. Take a look, and it'll all become clear."

The last paper is a folded up note, hand-scribbled on old notebook paper. The corners are faded and pale. It's clear this paper wasn't meant to last the half-decade it has, but has been kept anyway. It must be important. Otherwise, why would it be stored away in such a safe place alongside Peter's other most important papers?

Happy scans the note. He can feel his demeanor crashing through each hand-written word. This isn't something he ever wanted to read, but it explains so much about May's disappearance.

This isn't just any regular note she's written for the world to find.

It's a suicide note. May's suicide note. And May Parker will never return.


	4. Chapter 4

Peter comes to groggily. The towering apartment buildings that surround him seem to be dancing as he tries to steady himself. Everything moves as he grips the ground below him, his fingers digging into the broken rock in a frenzied attempt to steady himself. It doesn't work.

It's very little use because it isn't the ground that's shaking, but the hero himself. His body is weak and shaky with his exhaustion, and even more unsteady from lack of food. The high rate of his metabolism can't keep up with hunger this extreme. He's never gone so long without eating before and his body isn't quite prepared for the toll it's taking on him. It's eating itself in desperation.

"Karen?" He doesn't have the strength to keep analyzing the situation around him. He can barely push himself into a sitting position with how much the roof seems to be shaking, but he remembers the AI speaking to him briefly before he passed out.

"You fainted, Peter. We're still on the rooftop of your apartment building."

"What happened to the contact? I thought you were calling Ned?"

"That number was no longer in service, likely from the effects of the blip. A new cell phone number has not yet been created for Ned Leeds, though I was about to call emergency services when you woke up."

He nearly asks about the emergency contact for Mr. Stark. In his hazy state, he can barely remember the funeral he attended only days ago, or the way his mentor's skin burned his nostrils with the smell of burning flesh, but then it all comes rushing in again. That contact is also no longer in service.

"Would you like me to call Pepper Potts? I'm sure she would be happy to assist you."

"No," he rushes out. That's the last thing he wants. He left for a reason.

_I've wasted enough of the Stark's time. They deserve to be a family now. Without me._

"There's no more time to waste, Karen. I need to find my aunt before anything bad happens. Do you think you can help me with that? She's the only family I have left and I don't know what else to do.."

"Of course I can, Peter. I would do anything to help you. But first, we need to boost your blood sugars."

* * *

Karen directs Peter inside the old apartment complex, leading him down the winding stairs to the ground floor once again. This is the safest way for them to go right now, since he can barely walk down each step without the assistance of the handrails to steady him.

The boy tries to protest that he's strong enough to swing, or even climb down the side of the building, but Karen spends nearly ten minutes coaching the boy to stand. He's shaky, and his mental state isn't the strongest in this moment, so she enacts the Precious Boi Protocol. A protocol created by Tony - but named by Peter without his knowledge - that always prioritizes Peter's well being, even beyond his need to keep his identity a secret.

They're in luck anyway. They don't need to do anything that crazy. As they walk through the final floor, Karen directs his attention to the buzz of the soda machine in the corner of the lobby. Peter barely notices it with his senses so off their game, and the old image of the hallways burned into his mind.

Everything has changed so much since his return. It's so much easier to just let his body feel numb.

"To correct low blood sugar, eat or drink a fast-acting carbohydrate right away."

"You want me to drink a soda?" Peter searches through his pockets, quickly realizing there are no pockets on his suit, and that he hasn't had any money for weeks. He hasn't really needed any since he's always been around one of the Stark family members, too busy in his grief to think about payments or money.

"Yes. The first step to finding May is keeping you alive and healthy."

"I don't actually have any money. I can't actually buya soda."

The AI is silent for a bit too long. It takes a few moments for Peter to even notice the lack of her response, and then he suddenly feels a rush of dread working its way through him.

"I'm not stealing a soda, Karen. That's not something Spider-Man does. That's not something I do."

"My priority right now is keeping you alive. Tony made that my top priority. He wanted you to be safe."

Guilt works through his chest at the mention of his ex-mentor. He still feels horrible for what happened, and even worse that he'd been unable to prevent the man's sacrifice. If Peter had tried harder, or maybe done something different, or even not been as important to the man, maybe Tony's death could have been prevented.

The least Peter can do right now is keep himself alive. He can make sure the man's sacrifice wasn't for nothing.

Karen gives the boy the override code to the machine, and they quickly flee the scene of the crime with nothing but a single cola can for their efforts. Peter feels horrible the entire time.

* * *

The more the boy swings through his city, the more destruction he sees.

It isn't just physical. New York has always had its share of aging infrastructure. Building rooftops that would crumble with the pull of his webbing, or windows that are crackled with age.

Ripped old parade banners that wave through the sky were one of Peter's favorite things to see - a timeless reminder of good times shared by his fellow citizens. There's none of these in the post blip New York City. No reminders of times past. No stories for him to ponder of the years of life he's lost.

The city is crippled in a different way. There's still the same old broken landscape in the distance, but the people of Queens are tattered now too. The young hero wonders if the whole world is defective.

The homeless population has skyrocketed, more than the handful of passerby's Peter finds himself used to. The city is riddled with broken bodies and scattered families. There are even a few children thrown into the mix of homeless civilians, and he quickly learns that the shelters are maxed out with even more lost women and children. This is worse than he's ever seen before.

Peter has mercy for his people. He would give them his own food if he could - if he had any to give.

But he doesn't. He's slowly starving himself to death, his metabolism ripping him apart as he struggles to find any fuel whatsoever. There's a battle going on inside of him, crippling pains pulling through his organs as he fights to ignore them. He just needs to work harder. He just needs to focus his mind on something else. He takes a few moments to observe the city instead.

He watches some random charity hand out bagged lunches among the homeless population, but he refuses to take one even when offered. There seems to be a limited number, and he can't imagine taking a lunch from someone who actually needs it. He can barely believe that he's surrounded by abandoned children and mothers, so instead, he just observes from the side of the crumbling wall waiting to stop any fights that may break out.

At least his sugars are a bit more balanced, though not even close to the normal level his body is used to. Karen is keeping an eye on him, keeping a complete log of his symptoms and balance as he moves along the cityscape, but there isn't much she can do beyond that. She can't force Peter to go find the help he needs. She can't force him to go to a hospital or an already full homeless shelter.

After the feeding of the homeless, Peter and Karen set out to search further beyond their current reach. May's not in any of her usual locations: home, work, or any of her friend's houses. In fact, Peter doesn't locate a single soul with a clue of her whereabouts, not a snippet of her movements since his return. He keeps searching anyways.

They make no progress that day. As the sun begins to set and the stars spread throughout the sky, Peter has no idea where he's going to look tomorrow. Things are seeming hopeless, more so than usual, and he struggles to move on. His arms tingle with depression, a familiar sensation that he's gone so long without.

_Hopefully, things seem better in the morning._

He settles into the corner of a small rooftop. It'll be his temporary home for the night. No one should find him here, no one will get the chance to hurt him any further. He lets his heavy eyes rest - doing his best to ignore the sharp pains in his lower abdomen - and lets himself fall asleep.

* * *

_There's a time in Peter's life, months after the crashing of a building upon his weary shoulders, but before blasting off into space to fight against the mad titan Thanos, where something just doesn't feel right. He's normally such a bubbly, positive person, and all of a sudden, he stops feeling like himself._

_He begins feeling the crippling effects of depression, even though there's no logical reason for him to feel this way. He has superpowers. He has a supportive family system, even better than ever since the figurative adoption created by Tony Stark, and a never-ending stream of love from his friends Michelle and Ned._

_Sure, he's had a building dropped on him once or twice. And then there's the everlasting panic built from his mentor stripping away his responsibility in a blinded broken decision. But he's okay. It's nothing. He's a superhero. He can work through a few dramatic circumstances._

_Yet it's enough to send him crashing, time after time again. He feels safe when he's patrolling when he's hidden behind the mask of his heroic persona. And then he gets home, and his world continues to crash down around him. Nightmares, panic attacks, oversleeping, under-eating. Only the broken works of his body._

_May pulls him aside two months into the Summer. He's spent the entire time either patrolling or wallowing in his room, barely eating a bite. This can't go on any longer._

_With Tony's help, they get the chance to send Peter to a proper therapist. Someone that can help him work through his problems. Someone trained in-hero protocols, that even Tony Stark has trusted with his problems when his wife had begged him to get help. They all just want Peter to get better._

_The boy only reluctantly agrees. Only because he looks up to Tony so much, and he wouldn't ever want to disappoint him further than he already has. It's the least he can do._

_He fights, even more, when they recommend medication - a temporary solution to his nightmares and anxiety as he takes the steps to manage the problem on his own. But he sees it as something he definitely does not need, a fake sugar pill to make him feel happy all the time._

_"There's no weakness in needing help, Peter. You would never deny a diabetic his insulin. This is just a tool, something that will help you as you work towards healing. The brain needs serotonin to work properly, and right now, yours isn't producing the amount it needs to survive."_

_Peter scratches at his hands as he considers May's words. They're hidden away in the pockets of his long sleeve sweater so that she can't comment on his scratching anymore. The marks heal fast, providing a temporary distraction in his moments of need, but he needs to be more discreet with the stim now if he wants to continue doing it. They try to stop it whenever they see it happening._

_"I just... It'll heal, May. It will fix itself like everything else."_

_Her eyes soften, but he can only see the pity that clouds them. He doesn't want her pity, or Happy's pity, or his friends' pity, or even Tony Stark's pity. Nothing's wrong with him. This is just a rough patch in his life._

_"This isn't like a cut or a bruise, or even a broken bone, Peter. I've been in your position. Sometimes we just need a little bit of additional help. Please let us help you. Please try this, if not for me, and if not for Tony, for the thousands of citizens that look up to Spider-Man."_

_Peter scratches his arms some more, the tingling of the pain sending shoots up his arms. It's barely there, barely enough for him to feel it, but it still appeases the aching in his chest. Old words flash through his mind, words said to him when he was only a young boy, working past his grief and his parents' death._

_'Baby steps are fine. Falling down is fine. Walking really slowly is fine. Needing someone to walk beside you, prompting each step is fine. No effort to move for years... not fine.'_

_He agrees for Aunt May._


	5. Chapter 5

It's been a week since they lost Peter Parker. Such a long while when there's a whole group of people waiting to bring him home. People that want to bring him into their family. But it's an eternity for a homeless boy wandering the streets all alone.

Four days since the last recorded Spider-Man sighting. Most of the social media blogs that would track the hero's whereabouts are now closed, making it him even harder to find without the help of the people. Teenagers have hardened during the time of the snap. Social media is now the least of their concerns.

The other half of Spider-Man stans have returned to a broken world. A world with little time to relax. Even less time to enjoy themselves. There's no time for fun with millions of people suffering on the streets - some of them their friends and family. They need to focus on finding shelter and food before anything else.

Wars don't have happy endings. They only leave suffering for the remaining survivors. And Thanos has left a path of destruction so large that entire galaxies are suffering. Earth should consider themselves lucky.

But Pepper can't focus on rebuilding. Not while a member of her family is missing on the ruthless streets. Her family has been ripped apart like most. She knows she's one of the lucky ones. Her daughter is alive and well. Most of her friends have been accounted for. Very little of her family has died.

Pepper's also very privileged. Her husband's assets assure she will always have a home - something so many people don't have anymore. She doesn't have to worry about food or clean water.

But she still has a family member misplaced by the snap; only her family member isn't dead. He's out there - alive and suffering. He's wasting his time on a fruitless search, hoping to bring back the last remaining member of his own family. Someone who no longer exists.

So Pepper does what she does best. She makes a plan. She recruits her allies.

A call is sent out to the remaining and available Avengers. It includes instructions to keep an eye out for the boy, to contact her if there are any sightings. Most don't have time to search actively, but enough reside in New York that he could appear on their way to work.

A few members volunteer to search the city. They have no idea where to start, but they search around the very rare Spider-Man sightings. When these happen less often, they spend their time searching in homeless shelters and food banks, knowing he likely has nowhere else to go.

Their searches become less likely to find anything with each passing day. They know the longer he's gone, the more likely that something has happened to him. But they do their best to keep hope alive; something that's so difficult in these very trying times.

They're running on empty when an off-planet call arrives at the empty compound, only forwarded by Tony's remaining operating systems. It's Thor. He's finally received the call for help that Pepper put out six days ago. He's too far to give aide, but he does have a tip.

_There's a magic man in New York that can track people. I've seen it before with my own eyes. He trapped my brother in a loop and helped us find our father. Hope that helps. ~Thor_

Pepper leaves her daughter with Happy while she goes on a mission to visit this mystical man. She tries not to have hope because there's a large chance he can't help them, but a spark flares in her chest anyway.

* * *

The building she arrives at seems like any other typical building in New York. A lot less fancy than the ones she's used to working in - Stark Tower and Avenger's Compound are stunning architectural feats. But there's nothing particularity magical about the building she stands in front of. Nothing that screams magic or wizards or spells.

There is one thing that seems off. The sanctuary seems too intact. Most of the buildings around here are dirty and unkempt, falling apart where moss crawls through the cracks and animals nest in the brick. The other buildings have a sense of age and abandonment to them. Most things do post-war.

But this building does not. It appears as if someone is taking care of it. Like someone actually cares for property value, even though no one is buying. Whether from magical forces or the beings within, Pepper can't be entirely sure. With no other choices, Pepper knocks on the large wooden door.

A man answers the door. Pepper gives him a quick look over.

He's dressed in regular clothes: jeans, a t-shirt, and a sweater. His hair is slicked back with streaks of grey peppered throughout. He doesn't seem like a wizard at first glance, not with his hunching attitude and a kind smile. But then she sees the red cloak floating in the background keeping an eye on the two. She notices the scares that make the way down his shaking fingers.

"Doctor Strange," she briefly recognizes from the funeral.

He was there during the battle. Not as an Avenger, but she knows he was on their side. One of the wizards that kept them safe as the bombs rained down upon them, though she also knows he used to be a world-class surgeon before a bad car crash ruined his ability to hold a scalpel. The kind only her husband's money could buy.

"Mrs. Potts. Come on in. The streets can get pretty wild at night. It isn't safe."

Pepper thanks him she enters his home, doing her best to quickly take in all the magical artifacts surrounding her. She's sure this is something her children would have loved to see. To learn about the times of the past while also learning some spells from a real-life wizard.

She takes no time getting to business though. She doesn't have forever to dwell on the part, on what could have been. Not with her young daughter waiting for her at home, and her son braving the elements.

"You remember Peter, right? Sixteen years old? Fought alongside all of us."

"Yes. Of course. Spider-Man, right? Your husband seemed really fond of him while we were stuck in space. Which by the way, I wanted to personally apologize for the loss. He really did seem like an honorable man."

"Thank you. He was," Pepper mourns before returning to the original topic. She doesn't have time to dwell on Tony. Not until his son is found.

"He was at the funeral, but we haven't been able to find him since. It's been about a week since he was last seen. You wouldn't happen to have any idea on his whereabouts?"

Stephen furrows his eyebrows. "That's strange. I talked to him at the funeral - about a week ago, like you said - when things were slowing down. It was getting dark out and he was sitting on the dock all alone. I offered him a portal back to New York, which he thankfully took. Said he had some family upstate that he would be staying with, though he said it was easier to walk there than giving me the exact location."

"That's weird of him," Pepper laments.

"It did seem off. Upstate is a long way for him to walk on his own, but he did seem really upset. With him and Tony's relationship, I just assumed that he needed time to think and reflect. Like most of us are doing."

"And that's it? You haven't heard from him since?"

The doctor shakes his head. "I haven't. But I can do a quick location spell for you. I helped Thor when his father was missing, should be about the same spell."

"Thank you. That would be very helpful," Pepper says gratefully. "Is there anything I need to do? I have to admit I've never really seen a spell before in person. Only the shields and portals from before."

"It's actually pretty easy. All I need is a hair from a living relative."

Pepper tries to stay positive but it just seems like everything is crashing down around her. Like absolutely nothing can go her way. She was trying to keep herself going on drive alone, but coming here was a mistake. She let hope into her heart. She should have known it was too good to be true.

Yet she tries to stay calm and collected. It isn't Strange's fault that the boy is all alone in this world. That most of his family died before his third birthday. And his last living relative was shot in an alleyway a year before they ever knew of his existence. Even the Aunt that Peter had loved so much - raised him as if he was her own child - hadn't technically been related to him.

"He has no living relatives. He's an orphan."

"But he said he was going to stay with family upstate? Other relatives will do. Even a cousin might be enough to get the spell working. It just needs the tiniest bit of his essence to work."

Pepper shakes her head. "He really has no one. Tony was kind of like a father to him, but he's gone. And Peter's guardian committed suicide after a year without him. The remaining members of his family were all gone long before that. But I don't understand why lied to you about the family upstate."

"How... How long has he been gone?"

Pepper is so close to breaking. She tries to hold it in, but she's still barely had a chance to mourn the loss of her husband, and now she finds herself mourning the son that she's barely gotten a chance to known. She's breaking her promise to Tony and it's hurting her so bad to disgrace his last wishes. He deserves better.

Tears start streaming from the woman's eyes. They're sudden and hot, despite her constant efforts to keep herself under control. They burn as all the pain from the last week forces itself from her body.

Pepper turns from the doctor and holds her hands to her face, desperate for any way to hide the lapse in emotion that's coming over her so suddenly. The only one she ever cried in front of previously being Tony. She's not used to losing control in front of other people. Not like this.

But there's no bringing him back. It seems like each day her little family is ripping apart after she's spent so long finding a place for her to belong. She never knew her parents, tossed around through foster homes where she could only pretend she had brothers and sisters. There was no love for so long.

That's why it was difficult when she meant Tony. She found a place of her own. A job that she was really good at and enjoyed doing. Sure, the boss was a pain in the ass sometimes, but he had a great spirit that she couldn't help being drawn to.

But that came with a price. Tony Stark was a good man. The type of man that couldn't step aside and do nothing when the world needed his help. It was a drive she sees so much in Peter. She fought her entire life trying to keep him safe, but in the end he couldn't. He couldn't rest. Not when the world needed him.

Now both Tony and Peter are gone. And she can't do anything to bring them back.

Peter finds a ripped up hoodie in a dumpster on day four. It's tattered and stained, but combined with the stretchy sweatpants that he found a few days ago, it'll give him a little bit of privacy as he walks around the city. Something that's been difficult to do during the day, with the flaming crimson of his Spider-Man suit.

He spends a whole day washing the sweatshirt in the Hudson River - homeless shelters have too many people for his liking. The sweatshirt reeks like cat piss, but with enough river water and scrubbing, he brings it down to a barely noticeable level. At least the dark color hides most of the stains.

One major thing Peter notices is how clean the river seems to be. Less pollution and ships in the harbor, he guesses. It's nearly clean enough to drink, though the stinking water from before is fresh in his mind and he doesn't care to test the theory. But at least something is better from the death of so many people.

It doesn't make him feel any better.

He pulls the damp clothes over his Spider-Man suit. It barely only peaks through with his newest find, only bits of red peeking through at his ankles and neck. He pulls the hood over his head to cover the neck bits. That should be enough that no one recognizes his alter ego.

Not only will the hoodie provide him with some much-needed warmth at night, but he's been wearing the funeral clothes for a week. They're starting to need a wash too - something he can't do without a spare outfit to wash in to. He spends some time at the river washing his dress suit, pants, and socks.

Maybe he'll search for some proper bedding next. But only after he's found something to eat.

Peter has mostly surrendered to dumpster diving to find his meals. He refuses to steal again. Not unless he finds himself on death's doorstep in the near future. May and Ben expect better of him.

Most days he doesn't find much food, but if he works long enough sometimes he goes to bed with his stomach quiet. The food he eats is mostly waste product, so it sits in his stomach like a rock, but it's enough to keep his metabolism from eating his body until he can find another meal.

Every single one of his ribs show. He noticed it one day while washing his pits in the river. Each rib juts through his skin like they might rip through at any moment. Usually his many layers of clothing hide it. Nothing hides the pains he experiences each night.

He dreams about food most of the time, even finding himself nodding off during the day with lack of energy. It's easy to do when his food has so little nutritional value. Even when he eats, it doesn't have the value that his body needs to run. It's mostly leftover hot dog pieces and badly eaten chicken wings. He spends a day eating freshly bloomed dandelions one time after he remembers BuzzFeed articles with their nutritional value.

It makes him yearn for the meals his Aunt May used to burn. It makes him feel sorry for how much food they threw away; how many times they gave up on a half made meal in favor of getting take out instead. He angers with how much food they wasted. What he would give to have any of them.

Because he's not the only homeless one on the streets. There are so many people fighting for meals in trash cans that it's become a gang war for the best areas. The places with the best trash and the smallest amount of police roaming the area. Hungry people are becoming desperate. Actual stabbings are happening.

Peter refuses to fight over territories or trash cans. Not only is it unfair - he could easily kill someone if he doesn't pull his punches properly - but he's seen enough violence to last him a lifetime. He doesn't think he could handle any more. Not even if it meant protecting himself.

A single time he accepted a packed bag lunched from a kind citizen. One of the people dedicated to making lunches and handing them out to the poor, possibly a church? It doesn't matter.

He feels horrible for taking a meal that could have went to a person in need.

But he's starving. He can't choose to be picky anymore.

The peanut butter and jelly sandwich is the best thing he's eaten in weeks.

The nights are the hardest. While the day can get chilly, he gets a chance to walk and keep his body active. The nights become freezing as soon as the sun goes down. It makes sleep difficult.

He finds himself sleeping on rooftops most nights, though he's been very careful to change the neighborhood often to keep his movements untraceable. He wouldn't want to get in trouble with building tenants, upset one of the many on edge police offers roaming the city, or be accused of moving into someone else's territory. And he definitely doesn't want anyone to notice him scaling buildings with his powers.

Not that he swings or protects the city much anymore. He tries to make a rare appearance for the city's morality. Spider-Man is all about inspiring people. Maybe if they see him trying, it could set off a chain reaction of people helping each other. Maybe then things could change for the better.

Deep inside he knows he can't rebuild hope that easily. All of his efforts are for nothing. He barely has enough strength to stop a punch and he ran out of web fluid yesterday.

He's also come up empty on his mission to find Aunt May. Despite constant searching and investigations, he's had no luck finding any traces of her. She seems to have disappeared off of the face of the planet.

But she has to be around here somewhere. He can't find evidence of her being snapped. All the memorials are barren of her name. Seeing his name carved in the stone makes him want to vomit.

At least he's warm at night. And sometimes his belly is partially full. That's the most he can be thankful for right now. He's trying to stay positive - he really is - but it's becoming more and more difficult each day.

Peter finds himself scratching at his arms when the dark thoughts begin to creep into his mind, his sharp unkept fingernails ripping pink lines into thin wrists. He tries to control the habit. There's no way to keep the wounds clean on the streets. His risk of infection is high.

At least he has superhuman abilities. Even without proper treatment, he can feel his arms tickle as it attempts to stitch the broken skin back together. It tries to heal itself.

Only it can't. He's not getting enough food for his super healing to function as needed. Most of his powers are not functioning anymore. Only his stickiness and appetite remain.

Peter's only seventeen. He's a teenager living a very threatened double life. Someone who has lost everything and is now living from food scraps and people's pity. There was nothing that could have prepared him for a future like this. He'll have to try something new soon if he wants to survive.


	6. Chapter 6

_Everything moves, everything pulses_

_Everything lies in the eyes of you_

There are red lines etched across Peter's wrist. Little inescapable red lines that remind him of the trauma he's been through the past two weeks. He's surrounded by pain and loss and a constant fogginess in the back of his mind that he can't escape from. He can't arrange his thoughts.

His fingernails are long, but the scratching causes very little pain. It's a dull ache at best. The nerves have been dulled from the constant motions as he runs his fingers up and down, doing his best to get his thoughts arranged. To think straight long enough to get his life in order.

But depression isn't as obvious as black and white. There's no easy answer for his problems. His brain is a mess of emotions and fear. Something he's never been good at sorting through, not when his mind feels heavy and grey, and his stomach is constantly growling and looking for his next meal.

There's no savoir. There's only one person on this planet that can help him. His Aunt is out there somewhere, and with her, the ability to return Peter's life back to normal. The ability to guide him into recovery. A gentle voice to speak him down and a soft shoulder to cry on at night.

May Parker saved him once. She can save him again.

Peter's sitting in the park. There's a large shady tree that he can find some peace underneath when he gets here early enough. It's one of the few joys of his life: the rustling of the leaves above him, the sounds of children laughing around him, and the patches of shade that give his pale skin a much needed rest.

He knows if he hangs around too long, the police will come to chase him off. There's too many homeless people now, too many people struggling to find shelter and food. Too many people are not surviving in these horrible times, something he wishes he could help with.

Peter understands the police. He doesn't approve of the actions to rush the homeless people out of the park when they aren't doing anything wrong. Peter has nothing. These people have nothing. All they want is a break in the shade and maybe a chance to take a nap.

But when middle aged mothers call the police station with complaints - worried about their precious children playing nearby - there is nothing else law enforcement can do.

"Peter?"

The boy sighs. He knows his time in the shade is over. He has a right to be in this park like everyone else, but he isn't the type to cause a scene. He doesn't want anyone to get hurt.

It isn't the first time he's been kicked from his spot, and it definitely won't be the last.

But when he opens his eyes to respond to the officer, he quickly realizes that it wasn't an order like he expected. It was a question - one spoken on a soft worried voice. From a speaker that knows his name.

There's a teenage girl standing in front of him with a book held in her hands. It takes Peter a second to take in all her features. It feels like it's been a lifetime since he's seen her curly hair, her brown eyes, the defined features of his face that he used to see every day in the school cafeteria.

"Michelle?"

Peter's voice is rough. He's spoken so little in the past three weeks, besides the rare joking to himself and thanking the kind person who hands out sandwiches. It's like he's forgotten how to speak - the proper tones and inflections for interacting with another human being.

They stare at each other for what feels like forever. It may be the way way Peter's heart is pounding in his chest. The relief to see at least one of his friends alive. He'd been unable to locate either of them at their old homes, the conclusion that they must have been blipped as well.

But Michelle's standing right in front of him. Michelle's alive.

"Where the hell have you been?"

There's no anger in her tone. There's a lot of pain. Some fear. A bit of relief that he isn't dead like everyone was beginning to assume. Maybe a bit of resentment.

It's clear in by her tone that Peter's messed this up. He flinches away at her harsh words. He knows Michelle would never physically hit him, but the volume level sets off every strand of painful misfiring in his brain. It brings back the trauma of the battlefield experienced less than a month ago.

Peter's numbed to the core. There's no way for him to answer the question without breaking down, not with the temporary rush of relief flooding him from finding someone alive. There's at least one person alive that still cares for him. That would be pained if anything ever happened to him.

"I think May's dead." The words burst from Peter's mouth before he can stop them. And with them come the tears that he's been holding back all this time. The tears of a lost child with no one to turn to.

Michelle's face softens, though only because there's no one around to notice. She was expecting a fight or some sort of hero's complex argument. The Peter Parker - _and Spider-man, because let's be real, it was always super fucking obvious from day one _\- that she knows would always put the needs of others above his own. He's very self-sacrificing and tends to be impulsive in his actions. That's who he is as a person.

This is beyond anything Michelle could have been prepared for.

One half of Michelle's brain is still struggling to process the situation. So many hero's had been lost in the battle against Thanos: Ironman, Black Widow, Captain America, Vision. There had been worldwide memorials for them all. But she'd been hopeful when Spider-Man hadn't been mentioned in any of the broadcasts.

The days continued to tick by. Michelle was found by her parents. She was brought to her family's new home. All her things had been thrown out and her family seemed disappointed by her return, but she was surviving. She was pushing the hurt deep down.

The thing that hurts most of all was the lack of communication from Peter. It had taken Ned a few days to be reconnected to the internet and get in contact with Michelle. His cellphone had been lost during the blip and the line disconnected, but he had done all he could to get in contact with her as soon as possible.

Peter didn't. She doesn't get any messages from him despite making sure her new cell phone number is exactly the same. No texts. No calls. No social media messages. Not a single meme.

It infuriates her at first. She tries to give him some time. He's Spider-Man and likely has a lot of cleaning up to do afterward. All the other Avengers are silent on social media too.

Worry starts to creep into her chest by the end of week two. A voice chat with Ned confirms the feelings.

"Michelle?"

"Yeah loser?"

"I got in contact with Happy today."

"You did? That's great," Michelle confides. There's a spark of hope igniting inside her, but she jams it down. She needs to stay emotionless. There's still too much risk of heartbreak.

"May committed suicide while we were gone."

"Oh..."

That really does explain it all for Michelle. It would be one of the few reasons she could excuse Peter not reaching out to them. May was his family. His mother. His everything.

For her to be gone. For Peter to exist in a world without her after losing both his parents and his uncle, he would be completely broken. He would have no family left. He must be in so much pain.

It doesn't excuse his behavior. There's still a mild sting inside Michelle from the hurt he's caused her because in a time like this, she believes he needs his friends more than ever. But it does explain his disappearance.

"So he's okay? Just upset?"

Ned's silence says everything. It throws a wet blanket on the spark of hope in Michelle's heart, crushing every ounce of happiness that she was feeling seconds ago. Why does she always forget how bad emotions are?

"Is... Is he..."

"They don't know," Ned interrupts before Michelle can finish the sentence. "He survived the battle, but nobody's seen him since the funeral. They think he's searching for May."

"But your his guy in the chair. He couldn't do that without your help."

Ned doesn't even notice the slipped secret. His heart hurts too much from the loss of his best friend. This whole scenario is so unlike the Peter Parker they've both come to love.

"I know," Ned admits sadly. He knows what the absence likely means.

They'd both accepted the only remaining option as their best friend's death. Not that they have enough energy to theorize on what could have happened, but likely his depression creeping back into his mind. Maybe a possible suicide when he finds out that he's lost his last remaining family.

Emotionless Michelle spends an entire week in bed from the pain in her chest caused by losing her best friend. A whole week of breaking down in her bed every night, imagining living in a world without someone as uplifting as Peter Parker. The world would be so much worse off without him. He's one of the good ones.

The last thing she expected was to find him snoozing in the shade of her reading tree. The one she sits under nearly every day to escape from her parents, but has been to busy to visit since her return.

This reunion isn't easy for either of them.

This is painful for Peter. It's a reminder of all his failures over the last few weeks. All the broken promises he made to his best friends before the blip and people he's letting down by staying on the streets. This is something he never wanted his friends to see.

He knows he should have reached out to them when the search for May came to a halt. What started out as an innocent pursuit for his last living relative quickly snowballed into something more direr: no food, no clean water, no roof over his head, no coat during the freezing cold New York nights, deep scores across his arms from his scratching. It's all become too much for one boy to solve on his own.

Michelle feels pain, too. Not the same pain she knows Peter is experiencing with the way his cheekbones push against his skin. There's no way she could ever understand what that feels like.

Her pain is different. It's the pain of a resurrected hope. It wasn't too long ago that she was crushing on this boy. Developing feelings on one of her closest friends. A time when her biggest worry was him finding out her secret and not returning her feelings. Where her biggest worry was if he would be injured on patrol.

How things have changed. She hasn't had to worry about his patrols because they've mostly stopped. It's not often the friendly neighborhood hero is spotted anymore, and even when it does rarely happen, it's mostly hearsay with little proof. Michelle wasn't lying when she was sure he was dead.

There's a spark of hope growing within her. Not only for the lost feelings she once had but for the situation he's found himself in. This is her chance to get Peter to safety. To help him. Maybe even save his life.

"Can I buy you a hot dog?"


End file.
